Sunday, May 07, 2006

Way back in Highschool...(sounds like it was ages ago...sheesh) I was pretty famous in my school campus...some knew be by name and some knew me by face. I was known to be the youngest and cutest student back then..which of course I denied cause i know its just flattery. they often do that so you'd let them copy your notes. anyways, i let them copy with or without the flattery....

Going back, i was also famous for one irony. the whole school knew I hated being surrounded by tons and tons of books. Don't get me wrong but I grew up being surrounded by books. its just i found it boring after i finished my book collection back then. the that even though i hated being surrounded by books, my daily record in the library is unmatched by any other person in the school but the librarian herself. I stay in the Library browing through the pages of each and every book. take note of the word browsing not reading...browsing

For some people who don't know me, it's weird. but my friends are pretty much aware of what i'm doing and they find it...ridiculous. yeah..come to think of it, it is ridiculous...

I may have problem with logic like Mt. croker from fairly odd parents but I guess that experience is still worth a few laughs.

You see, I tolerated all the embarassment and lack of romantic relationship due to my one true dream. I want to escape reality. I want to go to an alternate dimension. another world where I can be who i want to be...

The reason why i rummage through the library's contents is to find my ticket to that dream...The book of four Gods. I got that idea from an anime called Fushigi Yuugi where a girl was sucked in a book and fell in love with the man of her dreams.

I knew very well at my age then that happy endings aren't actually what happens to people in this reality...everyone ends up miserable and dead in a way or another but i thought that i don't need to end up the way they will. i want to escape that pull of reality and find that place where i will have my happy ending.

I know my reality is distorted...and I dont expect people to understand my twisted logic. I just don't mind sharing it bluntly because i'm sure everyone will just think its a big joke i made up to make em laugh.

During my quest to find that place...i met a lot of people who shared the same point of view with life but has a different opinion and course of action. they're more rational..predictable and rather mature.I slowly realized how impossible my dream was. I learned what escapism is...and i was told that it wasn't a very good alternative in facing life in general.

Thus, reality slapped me and woke me up. It was really depressing to lose one of the pieces of reality that I believed in. I took it hard and turned into a wasted souL... I had so many dreams and they all disappeared.

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