Friday, June 30, 2006

test Overload!

Take this quiz at

Your Candy Heart Says "Marry Me"

For you, love is serious business. You don't take dating lightly.
And even if you haven't met the right person, getting married is something you expect to do soon.

You Are More Mild Than Wild

You're confident, and you really aren't concerned with how "hot" you are.
Other people's ideas of what's sexy don't concern you. And this is exactly what makes you attractive.

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor.
You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader.
Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways.
But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical.

With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you

In love: You are picky but passionate

To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

You Will Die at Age 67

You're pretty average when it comes to how you live...
And how you'll die as well.

You Are 17 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

You Have a Sanguine Temperament

You are an optimistic person who is easily content.
You enjoy casual, light tasks - never wanting to delve too deep into anything.
A bit fickle, it's easy for you to change plans or paths when presented with something better.

You enjoy all of the great things life has to offer - food, friends, and fun.
A great talker, you can keep the conversation going for hours.
You are optimistic and sure of your success. If you fail, you don't worry about it too much.

At your worst, you are vain. You are obsessed with your own attractiveness.
A horrible flirt, you tend to jump into love affairs and relationship drama easily.
You're very jealous - which just magnifies the craziness around you.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic picnic in the park

Your flirting style: subtle and calculating

What turns you off: short term flings

Why you're hot: you're a hopeless romantic with each new relationship

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!

Your Love Element Is Fire

In love, you are a true listener and totally present.
For you, love is all about feeling more alive than you've ever felt.

You attract others with your joy and passion.
Your flirting style is defined by your strong ability to communicate.

Fun and play are the cornerstones of your love life.
And while your flame may burn too brightly, it's part of your appeal.

You connect best with: Wood

Avoid: Water

You and another Fire element: will likely burn out quickly

Your IQ Is 105

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average

Your General Knowledge is Average

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.
And while this may not seem big, it can be.
It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.
You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational.
You are also giving and kind - a great friend.
You are easy going and trusting.
However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.


My mind is in sabaw state. I've been screaming random words and my statements rarely makes sense. The only thing i can retain in my head right now is not exactly a thought, but a feeling. I can envision a floating "love" pillow floating in the middle of a vast sea of liquid brain.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Back to normal and more determined...

Well, i talked to him last night and for some weird reason, my depression suddenly melted away. My heart pounded with his every word and i fell deeper for him. call me fickle but heck, if it means that i'd love him more, i'm glad to be called fickle.

i guess i can't bring myself to feel upset at him for too long...I guess i just felt depressed cause i thought he didn't love me anymore...

stupid me, i didn't even took time to see what his situation was. I feel guilty for i doubted him. after al the sacrifices he made for me, i had the nerve to doubt him...I'm so ashamed of myself...

I love him so much that i'm prepared to go through hell just to get to him. I want to be with him so bad...I want to make him feel how much i love him and how much i care for him. I want to be with him so bad...

I didn't expect LDR to be this hard...i want to be strong...and i will be stronger. I'll do everything i can to become a better make him proud of me...

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Hard habit to break

I hate myself for being too lovey lovey... I sound like crap...

But no matter how crappy I may sound, this is still my blog and I have the right to write any crap I want to write about any crap I want to write about...

you don't to read the post after this line...I'm not forcing you...So it's entirely your fault if you suddenly realize that it's a complete waste of time.

I feel like crap...I want to hit my head to the nearest and largest piece of metal contraption...I want to be ran over by a truck, train and bus...I feel so stupid...And I h=just want to die and disappear right now...

Am I still important to him? Why is everyone treating me like crap? Is it because I am one? Why do I give positive advises to people about life when I myself want to escape the reality that I am alive?

I've been crying for 7 hours straight now...Occasionally taking breaks when my eyes are drying out to drink fluids and cry again...

I finished a whole box of Kleenex an hour ago...And my trash bin is full of used tissues...

I don't care what my mom would say tomorrow when she sees how many tissues I wasted...I can't bring tissues with me when I die anyway...

I'm confused...Hurt...Paranoid...

what am I?

to my parents? To my Lola? To my friends? To him?

am I even worth something?

if I die, would it matter? Not like I'd care...

The time he spent with me seemed short and brief...He hated most things and I felt his bitterness towards the world. I adopted that bitterness in order to please him. TO somehow make him happy...Make him see that I'm here with him...Loving him. But I always end up hurting him even more...He is always furious about something...The way people talk...Act...Dress...Think...He's always complaining about something...

But through my whole lifetime, he's the first man I ever loved...Truly,,,whole heartedly...I gave myself to him like he owns me...Yes...I let him own me...No man has rights over me but him...I even found it hard to have friends...But heck! That's nothing compared to the things he sacrificed for me so who am I to complain...

I believe in him... I trust him with all my heart...

but why do I feel this way? I feel like I'm being duped? Is he getting tired of me? Would he have left me if it weren't for that suicidal incident? Does he still love me? Or it's just pity keeping him with me?

I have always disliked his dad for always getting in the way of our plans...Knowing that his dad's influence to him is a hell of a lot greater than mine, I'm slowly losing...The lack of physical proximity seems to be proportional to his closeness to me...

I don't think he;s even interested in anything I say anymore...He doesn't read my blog to see if I'm writing anything stupid...

He often forgets to listen to the songs I sent him the night before...

He stopped checking friendster to see if I have another testimonial for him...

I feel terrible...Cause he makes me feel like I'm keeping him trapped in the memory of his terrible past here in this country...Given the choice, he doesn't want to go back and see his old acquaintances for personal reasons...Only to see me again...But I seem to just remind him of all those things...I feel like I'm a burden...

I asked him a question..."Would you get mad at me if I break up with you tonight?"

he said "no"

it really hurt me to hear that... I really felt like crap...I started crying again...I can't believe I'm F**kin' crying again!FOR the NTH time! Stop crying CHEPOT! YOU CREEP! I wanted to hit my head...Hurt myself...Slash my wrist... But I couldn't...Just when I found my reason to live...It hurt me again...

FUJI...I just posted days ago that there's no such thing as a happy ending.. Stupid me forgot...Nobody ends up happy...Happiness is too good to be true...I talked to a good friend of mine during the time I spent crying...My friend comforted me and I am sow grateful that someone actually bothered to listen to what crap I'm gone say...

I used to just sit in the corner of my room, pull my legs close and cry myself until my tearducts gives up on me...

I had no one to talk to...Didn't trust people enough to actually care...

I want to go and hibernate.. Sleep for all eternity...I want to rid the world of another useless piece of trash...

Hard Habit to break By Chicago

I guess I thought you'd be here forever
Another illusion I chose to create
You don't know what ya got until its gone
And I found out just a little too late

I was acting as if you were lucky to have me
Doin you a favor I hardly knew you were there
But then you were gone and it was all wrong
Had no idea how much I cared

Now being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
But I dont want to
Living without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting easier
Its the hardest thing to take
Im addicted to ya babe
Youre a hard habit to break

You found someone else you had every reason
You know I cant blame you for runnin to him
Two people together but living alone
I was spreading my love too thin

After all of these years
Im still tryin to shake it
Doin much better they say that it just takes time
But deep in the night its an endless flight
I cant get ya out of my mind


2nd chorus:
Being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
I dont want to
Being without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier
Its the hardest thing to take
Im addicted to you
Youre a hard habit to break

You had a bad day

today, i woke up pretty early, I talked to my hubby this morning but our conversation seemed pretty dull to's like it lacks something. I was in a bit of a hurry cause i don't want to be late for class. i made my way to school. i ran upon getting off in marikina to ride another jeep to katipunan. I almost tripped cause my shoes were too high. I got there almost in time but not quite...the teacher closed the door and AlAS! i was marked absent again in her class...

I went to the OLC to hang out with my friends from BA department. they're studying for an exam but since my head was in sabaw state, i kinda helped them forget everything they studied. after finishing my lipton iced tea bottle, i went to the cafeteria to grab some grub. I saw my co- Underground orgmates from Pajamas...we spent some time chatting ang gorging ourselves with food (mostly cheeselogs...)

After Darice (in pajamas) and Seyz left, maan and i went to find another place to hang out. since all the KUBOs are full we went to stay at the bench infront of the AVR rooms. there, we chatted for quite sometime about our lovelifes as well as the others...

I kinda miss these talk with my friends. it's been quite some time since i last socialized with other people aside from my boyfriend. i'm not saying that i don't enjoy the little chitchats that me and my bf used to share...It's just that, it's different with friends...i dunno how to explain, but it's somehow different.

Now that my friends are (mostly) mature individuals who share their lives with their special someones, i kind of see what will happen to us a few years from now when some of us get married. with work and family, it would be quite rare that we'd get to see each other...

Me on the otherhand, would have to wait longer than everyone else. My bf and i are planning to live together sometime in the future. we would only get married after we earn enough money to finance our needs without the assistance of our folks. We'll both be working our ass off. we're looking at the future with an idea of early retirement. We don't want to work forever, instead, we want to enjoy life to the fullest as early retirees...

"work now, enjoy later" he said

but somehow, i'm scared that a day may come and he'll forget about all the things we did...the exchange of our sweet nothings...the hugs, kisses and other body language we shared....the chemistry we had.

a number of people told me that what he did was selfish and what he is doing now, is a sign that he's preparing himself to love look for another...eventhough i don't want to, i'm slowly losing grip on faith. I want to know how his feelings for me. what he is thinking...but i'm not sure if i could handle pain that well. i want to Live only because he wants me to live...i want to stay put and wait for you think it's right if i stay here and wait for him? or should i leave and find my own destiny abroad?

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

cat in love...


i miss our purr-fect moments together...this neko wants her panda...

i wish we could be together soon....

Monday, June 19, 2006


flying back to me...

will this relationship last?

i am drowning in my own pool of thought. I'm thinking of so many things that could break us apart...our needs...our wants, preference, interests and feelings. it's only been 2 months since he left and yet i feel like it's been years since i last saw him. i miss the warmth of his hugs.

I feel so helpless, there were moments that i just want to disappear cause i can't even do anything to bring us closer to each other.

can i wait for him? do i have access to such an excessive amount of patience? do i posses the will power to stay faithful and love him with all my heart without proximity? or will i fail?

i really don't know...i'm scared to give in to any temptation that comes my way but how long will i be able to keep this up? how many times must fate challenge me?

i am not usually an optimistic person but...this time i'll make an exception...

this person is the most special person in my life and i wouldn't want to lose him...not to anything..not to anyone...

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Totoo bang may happy ending?

Totoo bang may happy ending?

bakit ko naitanong? kasi hanggang ngayon, sabihin man ng marami na makitid ang utak ko, ay hindi pa ako nakakakita ng nilalang na nagkamit ng maalamat na happy ending na yan.

may namamatay ba talagang masaya? bukod siguro sa mga may tinatakasang utang, pero...hindi rin siguro sila masaya dahil matakasan man nila ang utang nila, mawawalay naman sila sa mga mahal nila sa buhay. maari rin siguro kung ang mga taong ito ay walang mahal sa buhay at galit sa mundo...pero...kung ganun nga yun, mas malungkot kasi walang maglilibing sa kanya..walang pupunta sa burol at ang masaklap pa ay walang magsasakla...waang kape at biskwit..

Meron nga kayang Happy ending?

madalas maririnig mo ang happy ending sa mga fairytales, kung saan saang vandal sa mga pampublikong palikuran o CR, mga pelikulang pangkomedya at mga kwentong pinauuso ng disney.

ang mga ito ay kadalasa'y kathang isip lamang...tulad na lang nina sharon at Gabby..pops at martin...brix at amy...lotlot at monching..barbie at ken...

hindi natin masasabi na meron ngang happy ending...


hindi naman sila naging happy...

kaya maaga ang ending....