Sunday, May 09, 2010

My diary

Smart bro decided that I should be away from the PC for a bit. With 80% of my time spent in front of the PC, playing games, working, studying and socializing in online networking sites (e.g. Plurk, facebook), I really need some time off from the net XD. So yeah… Smart bro *cough* (thisinnotapatheticattempttojustifysmartbro'ssuckyservice)

With nothing better to do on hot lazy summer afternoon, I decided it’s time to clean my room a bit. Replace some stuff and redecorate a bit, just the usual. Ate Gayle gave me a lot of Fushigi Yuugi and Samurai X mangas so I started with those. I arranged them neatly in a stack and moved some books to another shelf to make room for them. Now that I think about it, I acquired most of my books back in high school and college. Back then, I used to love reading and imagining stuff. In college, specifically in Miriam College, I met some professors that killed that part of me (“some professors” doesn’t mean ALL. Stop generalizing before you even begin). Since then, the number of books that I purchase every year, have depleted. And I’ve done myself wrong by not reading a lot of good books this past 4 years. It’s sad. I know.

After 15 minutes worth of bad flashbacks, I decided to move on to another stack of notebooks and books. I took them out of the shelf, piled them on top of each other and carried them to a spot where they will temporarily sit ‘til I figure out where to put them. In the process, something slipped and fell on the floor. In my effort to pick it up, I slipped and hit my head on the corner of the shelf. It didn’t bleed but I now have a huge bump to remind myself of the incident (Yes, it hurts).

It was my pretty pink diary that I got from the last day of my first semester in First Year College. The first entry was about my class president stalking me and our declamation event in Filipino Class under Mrs. Visco. There was also an entry about our teacher in Math who has a speech problem that he pronounces anything with “T” as “P.” It wasn’t a laughing matter though when he showed us our final exam and all of the questions didn’t have any Ts or Ps to make fun of. An entry also talked about politics for debate. Back then, politics was just a subject under Mr. Fulgar, discussed for the sake of grades. Now, Politics is in school, work, hobbies, family, friends, government…. “Everywhere.”

The following entries painted the picture of me being the student I used to be. It was an image I’d give anything to see myself in again. I was never late for any of my classes despite the 3 hour trip from Antipolo to Manila. I’ve always enjoyed the jeepney ride from Cubao to Morayta through Espanya at 5am in the morning. I would dread each storm that visited the city because I know it will send me home, swimming in flood water. I also remember that I’d rush down the stairs from the 7th floor of EHB building after my last class of the day to catch f4 and Barbie Xu on TV in the canteen right outside the school. I’d spend 2 hours in the bookstore looking at cute erasers and artbooks while hiding from suitors. And I’d spend 1-2 hours in the comp shop fixing my Friendster layout to pass the time while waiting for my classmates’ emails for projects before going home. It was fun. I learned a lot and I enjoyed it.

Then a phone call came, from my grandmother, telling me to transfer schools. It was a sad day.

I skipped a few (a lot) pages and reached the last 4 entries in my diary. Of all the entries in my diary, these were the ones that mattered. It was about love, responsibility, realization, difficulties and learning. I don’t feel comfortable sharing the full details of the entries but to those who would understand what these words mean… they know what happened. (At least a large part of it)

“The great game”

I thought about things. And I felt embarrassed that I went through this, but at the same time, I’m glad that I did. It was a…a very unusual learning experience. Something I would guarantee to everyone, who knows, that I will never forget. I am thankful for the people involved in that event, one summer 5 years ago. It was, mentally, the craziest moment in my life. Coining my usual statement…. “I was young, it was summer.”

From that time, I can’t say that I’ve grown a lot. But then again, I don’t think I ever will (haha lame joke). But I am looking forward to a time when I can openly share that crazy experience to someone younger, laugh about it and say “It was crazy… but you see, I learned.”

Thursday, April 29, 2010


Unyaaaa :3 2 things about summer. I hate Summer and I love Summer.

Summer's been both kind and cruel to me. Ever since I could remember, most of the memorable things in my life usually happens during this season. But this summer is speshul...

It's election tiemz! And I found work in the loving forte of my favorite candidate :3 The pay isn't that good... But the benefit of seeing his face on every single spread I check is priceless. *shits rainbow bricks* Unyaaaaaaa~

I wish to print his face on a pillow case.... I hope I get the chance to meet him and shake his hand again *flails*


I still love you [info]raishiro ...♥


Swindled D:

I'm not sure yet but I think I just got swindled 10k. A trusted family friend recommended a business to me and I gave him the initial payment 2 weeks ago. The last time I heard from him was last Wednesday. My dad went to his place and they said he hasn't come home since Monday last week. I'm getting worried that he ran away with my cash. D: My mom's furious but we're giving him a week to respond. After that, Im'ma file a case if it won't cost more than he owes me.

^_^;; ehe... Been plagued with a lot of bad stuff lately. Like that one time.... I- *stops* or that one time... I *stops*...uhh... nvm


On other things, I think I'm slowly developing an addiction for DJMT... I was out with some friends the other day and my friend's gf stood on the machine and her bf swiped the card. We ended up liking the game. It's uber fun! X3 and I love the songs! And...and the cute girls on the visuals is pure happiness. Special thanks to[info]xtraryce for the OST too <3


I'm also playing WoW again. [info]raishiro gifted me with a 3 month game credit for my Birthday last April 13. *snuggles raishiro* He knows he just fueled my will to procrastinate but its a good way to learn how to control my gaming habits. /cries... I'm currently trying to level up my paladin to 80 so I can start healing in raids. I'm also preparing to get the [For the children] Achievement. After that, Midsummer Fire Festival is mine and Violet protodrake will be as good as owned.

I'm looking for someone to recruit into playing WoW. I want to get the 2 seater flying rocket mount just like Mawsi's T_T. I went online at 3am in Dreadmaul just to see her huge rocket. She took me for a joyride on it. The experience gave me a level up as we explored azeroth together. Thank you Mawsi!!!!! T_T

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Inability to express thought

It's annoying that all these thoughts are just swimming in my head but I don't have the words to fish them out of the cesspool. I want to write about my feelings, my opinions, my plans, and my goals. But every time I start , I'd always end up stuck on the first sentence and just like fart, the thought dissipates into thin air, leaving no trace behind, except the foul smell saying that something was there before... and it stinks.


There are times when I feel absolutely ecstatic about something. And God knows how many times I'd attempt to write about it. But just like every time, I'd start sentence one, i'd end up erasing it. I'll start sentence one again, with a different format, add sentence two, and still end up erasing it. Just repeat the process 3 more times, and I'd eventually give up and find something else to do.

Do not be deceived

There'd also be times that I'd feel so down. Most of the time, my lack of self-esteem would push me to feel great depression and I'd open live journal to blog about the feeling. Hoping it would help me figure out my problem, I'll start writing again. An hour would pass and I'd still be writing sentence one. I don't know how to properly start expressing my thoughts. Its a giant ball of yarn and I can't find the tail end to pull out the first Idea. I guess I know what I want to say but I don't know where to start and how to follow it up.

I've no solution yet to this problem of mine. If you have, please feel free to share your ideas. >_<

Thursday, April 22, 2010

A part of the nightmare is over

I've been feeling tense since I got the news from my mom and a friend of hers, last week. I've been dreaming of going back to school after the first year I spent working and earning for the family. And the feeling intensified after I met raishiro's parents. I wanted to melt when his mom told me about something that I've been, sort of, avoiding these past years. It lead me to think back about that nightmare.

(Sort of related but not quite) cool pic

This afternoon, I went and faced the nightmare that's been haunting me. Initially, I thought the experience would be heart-breaking and emotionally draining. I've prepared my eyes for the gallons of tears that I might cry after the encounter and I've prepared the wee-bit self esteem left in me to be sucked out by the black hole they set up for every unfortunate soul who happen to enlist themselves in that institution.

I got there and it was the same institution, the same system, the same BS. It didn't change. But they got a nifty looking building out back.

During the 3 hours that I spent running requirements, I thought about every painful, heart-tearing experience I spent there. I still remember the number of times that fat bitch crushed my self esteem, lowered my morale, and lead me to believe that the only future I had was jumping off the rooftop to end my lowly miserable life. THAT, and the bad, overly priced cafeteria food.

Illustration of how the fat bitch tears a part of me every chance she gets.

Then comes the nice memories. Though few, they were all special to me. One of those, was the day I sat with 3 other crazy, bored and easily amused girls at the upper lanai to man a booth for a friends' org we didn't necessarily understand. It was the day we had a small group of people who had the same interest in anime and all those crazy japanese stuff. Yeah... that one.

From there, I learned that I wasn't the only crazy, bored and easily amused person in school.

After much reminiscing, I was able to get what I needed. My first step out of the institution, felt like my first step to freedom. I felt light, happy and a little high. I hopped on one foot towards the car, with my smile stretching from one ear to the other. It didn't hurt... (But then again, they know how to ruins dreams so I'll stop here. Things could still happen.)

I'm finally free from that nightmare. But it's not the only one haunting me... To free myself from the rest, will be the next step.

A big thanks to the people who inspired and pushed me to this decision. And a big thank you to my special someone for sticking with me through every sticky situation, and giving me a and a when I need it most.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Why I don't blog so much?

I'm back in the ph, finally. After that almost 30 hour ordeal I went through, I am finally home. Nothing can replace the sweet sweet smell of the Phils in my heart. *kisses the ground*

Originally, I want to start my entry with the story of my ordeal that lead me to be a complete racist against Indians and mainland chinese people but I might end up saying things that I don't really mean in the process and get myself in to more trouble so let's just leave it at that. Its a tale to be told in some random moments with friends. Instead, let me start this entry with something else.


I think I know the reason why I can't write anything on any of my blogs anymore.

You know how I always start my blog entries with things that usually leave me upset? Then I follow it up with something that would amuse me and probably some of my readers while reading about an experience that would usually leave people incredibly annoyed. But, ever since I got into a committed relationship, I started to slack in writing. Its not that I stopped having experiences that made me upset but because I finally found someone whom I can share them with.

It's been a year 3 mos since I last held his hand. To me, they were never that warm til I first held them again. I never knew how much I missed him until he hugged me and said he missed me too. I just hope I could see him again soon.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Dragon Age/ Tamagotchi

Its amusing how I spend almost an hour writing an entry only to realize after reading it that I really don't want to share it and I end up erasing it.

So's what I got.

=_=I just reformatted my OS drive to upgrade my w7 to the full version. I thought I backed up everything I needed, until last night when I tried to play Dragon age.


Yep... I forgot to back up that shit. Before I knew it, I was doing a marathon of head-desk, head wall, and facepalm all over my room. With that, I spent an hour or so contemplating about the meaning of life, cereals and my future with Alistair. None of the three sounded like a good Idea. And soon, I felt the tears peek out, and it didn't take long before they started to trickle down the side of my face. Memories of each agonizing quest played in a slow laptop started to come back to me. I'm haunted by the memories of how it was a challenge to kill a freaking dragon in the ruins, How it took me forever to finish the whole sloth demon encounter in the circle of the magi; the multiple attempts to try to get Alistair to bed me until I learned that its only possible at party camp (this is embarrassing) and lastly, I'll never forget that hell of a mind fuck puzzle I had to solve to get a pinch of Andraste's ashes...

Nakie tiems with mai Dragon Age Posse

I'm planning to play it again but I might wait it out 'til I feel better. I just realized that this might be how it feels when someone you love has amnesia... or going back in time to before you started a relationship with your special someone. /cries a little inside

Vicachu and Vicky made my day last Saturday at the Eiva Meeting when they showed me their Tamagotchis and gave me my own. If it were possible, I would have crapped rainbows because of the overflowing happy inside me. I opened it as soon as I got home and RTFM to set it up. :3 I love the fact that I got a female pet with a panda doll for a toy. It suits my preferences perfectly. It was hard to think of a name. Initially, I wanted to name it something by combining vicky and vica's name together but the toy wouldn't let me cause it was too long. So I named it Supichi ~(>w<)~ *flails* I got so excited. My pet was very obedient and well mannered (for a baby) and it sings and plays the sax. A day after though, it got reset though so I had to start over again ... (Kinda like my OS and Dragon age ... :/) I lost the panda pet and well my new pet is stubborn. :/ It doesn't like to practice and spends most of its time moping like some kind of emo apple teenager with issues. And it craps a lot :/

Moving on, Its been a while since I held a tamagotchi. I was surprised that it has items now and the version that Vicky and Vica Chu gave me could get my pet its own band to play music with. O_O Yeah... It has school too.

I know some people in my f-list (lol you know who you are) will probably just shrug and say that its just artificial... having a virtual pet. It may just be a bunch of pixels to some and it could never replace a real pet but for some people like me, who do not have the time, patience and money to spend on a real pet, this suits me just well. I could take it anywhere without worrying about if pets are allowed, no poop/pee to clean, and other mundane pet tasks to do. Just the joy that you have a small pet in your pocket that would amuse you every now and then. I would appreciate a real pet like a cat or a puppy but I don't believe that I'd be a responsible owner. At least, not yet. Until then, I'll make do with my battery-powered pocket friend :).