Thursday, April 29, 2010


Unyaaaa :3 2 things about summer. I hate Summer and I love Summer.

Summer's been both kind and cruel to me. Ever since I could remember, most of the memorable things in my life usually happens during this season. But this summer is speshul...

It's election tiemz! And I found work in the loving forte of my favorite candidate :3 The pay isn't that good... But the benefit of seeing his face on every single spread I check is priceless. *shits rainbow bricks* Unyaaaaaaa~

I wish to print his face on a pillow case.... I hope I get the chance to meet him and shake his hand again *flails*


I still love you [info]raishiro ...♥


Swindled D:

I'm not sure yet but I think I just got swindled 10k. A trusted family friend recommended a business to me and I gave him the initial payment 2 weeks ago. The last time I heard from him was last Wednesday. My dad went to his place and they said he hasn't come home since Monday last week. I'm getting worried that he ran away with my cash. D: My mom's furious but we're giving him a week to respond. After that, Im'ma file a case if it won't cost more than he owes me.

^_^;; ehe... Been plagued with a lot of bad stuff lately. Like that one time.... I- *stops* or that one time... I *stops*...uhh... nvm


On other things, I think I'm slowly developing an addiction for DJMT... I was out with some friends the other day and my friend's gf stood on the machine and her bf swiped the card. We ended up liking the game. It's uber fun! X3 and I love the songs! And...and the cute girls on the visuals is pure happiness. Special thanks to[info]xtraryce for the OST too <3


I'm also playing WoW again. [info]raishiro gifted me with a 3 month game credit for my Birthday last April 13. *snuggles raishiro* He knows he just fueled my will to procrastinate but its a good way to learn how to control my gaming habits. /cries... I'm currently trying to level up my paladin to 80 so I can start healing in raids. I'm also preparing to get the [For the children] Achievement. After that, Midsummer Fire Festival is mine and Violet protodrake will be as good as owned.

I'm looking for someone to recruit into playing WoW. I want to get the 2 seater flying rocket mount just like Mawsi's T_T. I went online at 3am in Dreadmaul just to see her huge rocket. She took me for a joyride on it. The experience gave me a level up as we explored azeroth together. Thank you Mawsi!!!!! T_T

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Inability to express thought

It's annoying that all these thoughts are just swimming in my head but I don't have the words to fish them out of the cesspool. I want to write about my feelings, my opinions, my plans, and my goals. But every time I start , I'd always end up stuck on the first sentence and just like fart, the thought dissipates into thin air, leaving no trace behind, except the foul smell saying that something was there before... and it stinks.


There are times when I feel absolutely ecstatic about something. And God knows how many times I'd attempt to write about it. But just like every time, I'd start sentence one, i'd end up erasing it. I'll start sentence one again, with a different format, add sentence two, and still end up erasing it. Just repeat the process 3 more times, and I'd eventually give up and find something else to do.

Do not be deceived

There'd also be times that I'd feel so down. Most of the time, my lack of self-esteem would push me to feel great depression and I'd open live journal to blog about the feeling. Hoping it would help me figure out my problem, I'll start writing again. An hour would pass and I'd still be writing sentence one. I don't know how to properly start expressing my thoughts. Its a giant ball of yarn and I can't find the tail end to pull out the first Idea. I guess I know what I want to say but I don't know where to start and how to follow it up.

I've no solution yet to this problem of mine. If you have, please feel free to share your ideas. >_<

Thursday, April 22, 2010

A part of the nightmare is over

I've been feeling tense since I got the news from my mom and a friend of hers, last week. I've been dreaming of going back to school after the first year I spent working and earning for the family. And the feeling intensified after I met raishiro's parents. I wanted to melt when his mom told me about something that I've been, sort of, avoiding these past years. It lead me to think back about that nightmare.

(Sort of related but not quite) cool pic

This afternoon, I went and faced the nightmare that's been haunting me. Initially, I thought the experience would be heart-breaking and emotionally draining. I've prepared my eyes for the gallons of tears that I might cry after the encounter and I've prepared the wee-bit self esteem left in me to be sucked out by the black hole they set up for every unfortunate soul who happen to enlist themselves in that institution.

I got there and it was the same institution, the same system, the same BS. It didn't change. But they got a nifty looking building out back.

During the 3 hours that I spent running requirements, I thought about every painful, heart-tearing experience I spent there. I still remember the number of times that fat bitch crushed my self esteem, lowered my morale, and lead me to believe that the only future I had was jumping off the rooftop to end my lowly miserable life. THAT, and the bad, overly priced cafeteria food.

Illustration of how the fat bitch tears a part of me every chance she gets.

Then comes the nice memories. Though few, they were all special to me. One of those, was the day I sat with 3 other crazy, bored and easily amused girls at the upper lanai to man a booth for a friends' org we didn't necessarily understand. It was the day we had a small group of people who had the same interest in anime and all those crazy japanese stuff. Yeah... that one.

From there, I learned that I wasn't the only crazy, bored and easily amused person in school.

After much reminiscing, I was able to get what I needed. My first step out of the institution, felt like my first step to freedom. I felt light, happy and a little high. I hopped on one foot towards the car, with my smile stretching from one ear to the other. It didn't hurt... (But then again, they know how to ruins dreams so I'll stop here. Things could still happen.)

I'm finally free from that nightmare. But it's not the only one haunting me... To free myself from the rest, will be the next step.

A big thanks to the people who inspired and pushed me to this decision. And a big thank you to my special someone for sticking with me through every sticky situation, and giving me a and a when I need it most.