Saturday, August 02, 2014

No #100days required

I don't think I'm in a good state to write anything but since I have some time before bedtime, I want to document the things I've done so far to better my condition.

I've deleted my livejournal (Bitch_Kicka)
I've deleted my Deviantart account (Alien-hater)
I've deleted my twitter account. (lainewell)
Give away things that he has given me
Changed my phone number (0***4069250)

I realized that it was probably high-time that I also let go of this feeling. I want to acknowledge it as a form of love in some way, but logic and rational thinking dictate that it was more than preferred friendship that I missed about our time together.

My relationship with him was, on its own, a unique form and the time spent in that relationship was probably the most subtle in all of my experiences. I missed the person because of the comfort and attention he offered and I believe I have come to terms with the fact that it's over.

There were regrets and I will not deny it, but I have conditioned myself to stick with my decision to leave it because I can never make him genuinely happy with the very little emotional stability and support I could offer and just leave it to the person to decide if this was an acceptable reason. Either way, I'm done; He's done; We're done. No point in talking about it.

I'm no martyr. And I don't want to waste anyone's time for something that I am pretty sure I cannot commit to.

"So if ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways
Cause if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I won't even start"

I am still planning on completing a few more things before I could completely move on. :) But we're moving forward. A bit on the slow side but we're moving.

To Do List:

Delete Pictures
Throw printed photos
Delete videos
Return all useable items to any of his friends who may find use for it
Parallelism with 500 days of summer
Therapy writing