Friday, January 05, 2007

To my special one....

“I’m a self centered, insensitive idiot.” I told myself. So I sat down in a dark corner and watched the world move about. Though the absence of warmth drove me to shiver, I observed each and every person that passed by. I recognized their faces and saw them, finally, in a new perspective.

I saw greed. I saw pain. I saw sadness. I saw the endless suffering deep within them. From this angle, what seemed real to me then became a mere sad façade. Hiding behind pleasant masks, these people are able to survive each day in this vast oasis of emotions.

Then, someone noticed me, watching the world; watching everyone; watching him. He took with him a round mirror, which he carried in front of him as he approached me. He stood in front of me, still holding the mirror and reflecting the image whom I believed was I.

I stared straight at the little girl in the mirror. The scene was shockingly despondent. A child who’s mere image is crying for love. Tears were trickling down her bruised cheeks. I turned my eyes away as the mirror drew closer to me and the image started becoming a bit more vivid and clear. It was mortifying to see all the negativity of the world yet I am disgusted of my own. The mere reflection of what I am sent my eyes away.

Now, his face, close to mine.... Kneeling, he took and cupped my chin with a smile. He radiated light into my dark little corner and helped me up. Supporting me, he laid the mirror to where I sat and carried me on his back.

Not a word was spoken. I laid my weight entirely on his back, feeling the warmth of his robust body. It was again time to recapture the façade that I once threw to be alone. But no more tears were shed. A smile grew on my lips as if it was a bud of rose that sprouted from the bottom of a bed of snow. The ice holding the stern expression on my face broke into tiny little shards and melted on the ground. The puddle of melted ice reflected to me…a smile

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy New Year!

Hmmm... ^_^ HI everyone! It's been a while since I last posted. I was supposed to erase this but, I guess, running away from things won't make them better so I'll keep this. I've recently resolved all of my emotional issues and came upon a conclusion. Let's just say that I found the light...^_^

I'm back on track and I'm ready to start anew, probably mess up some things again and pull through. As you all know, I have, still a pretty serious medical condition at hand. But thanks to my wonderful friends and loved one/s. I am able to survive.. of course who wouldn't if they keep on persuading your parents and you to get yourself checked by the doctor. lolz... and I'm thankful they did that.

A new year is ahead of me and I am ready to take any challenge that life would throw at me. But this time, I'll work an effort, more than I ever did before, to keep the ones I love in my life. ^_^ I will never again neglect anything in concern with them. Right now, amidst all the things that I have been doing, I am still able to listen to the people whom I value and understand them or sympathize with them.

I am expecting a lot to happen this year. ^_^

This year, a lot has happened to me. Especially the latter part of it. But what's good is that, I learned something from them.

The most memorable moment of last year was my first meal in Saisaki. At that moment, my heart was just about ready to burst of happiness. It was really splendid. The buffet was well worth it. And I even get a free doll. :) it was the best present I received last year for Christmas. ^_^

Next was something I never expected. After 6 years, someone from my past would come back to haunt me. I was out with my girlfriend sese in the mall that saturday checking out one of the events in the megatradehall. I went home tired and beat from traffic only to find ben and his older brother in the house. He brought with him a teddy bear some choc'lates and tons of guts. According to my mom they arrived at noon and she "intentionally" forgot to text me. It's been 2 years since I last saw Ben. That time, I didn't see any signs of him still liking me so I am kinda shocked. I would've taken the teddy bear and all the other stuff but I didn't. The card attached to the teddy bear says that he wants to rekindle an old flame.

It was hard. Tempting to be exact. I would usually say yes and accept the gift but there were a lot of things that contributed to my refusal.

First off, being logical, I can't see any reason on why he did that (go to my house and wait for me with his bribes). And out of the blue he just tells me that he wants to rekindle an old flame...two, for the past months that we were mailing each other, I didn't show any signs of being romantically interested/involved with him. So I was doubtful of his motives and his feelings.

Second, I promised that I'd be faithful no matter what. and I'll keep that.

Third, my mom says she doesn't like him.

But I have to admit, I was a bit swayed with the "Romantic Romeo" approach.:P

I had to say no. It was hard to but I did...T.T (thinks of teddy bear)

Right now, I think I might avoid him to give him space. I just hope I'm doing the right thing. I want to make him feel better by talking to him and explaining but I think I'll only make it worse so I just chose to leave him alone.

(I still wanted the teddy bear..Cause I know I can't afford to buy one on my own now that I'm reduced to student budget for what I did two months ago...goodbye 3 foot teddy...I'll miss you...huhu)

Third, one of my younger friends shared her blossoming love story with me and I'm pretty excited about it. Listening to her makes me feel like I'm 13 again...^_^ although mine blossomed at 9...lolz I hope they get together before she graduates ^_^

Fourth, I've recovered from my emotional woulds I got from 2 months ago. It was supi who taught me how to move on and be stronger, letting me have a backbone. I owe him a lot for being my leaning post and educator as well. But most of all I owe him for his trust...

We're both stubborn pricks and we know that. But the difference between the two of us is that he is stronger than I...not to mention he's frank and I'm not. What amazed me is that, he never fails to make me smile. There was never a day that we separated that I'm not wearing a smile on my way home. Though I admit, there are still things lacking, I'm pretty happy with what we have.

Fifth, I found a family with my new group of friends and girl friends in our organization. ^_^ Everyone is pretty okay especially our kaichou! *bows before kaichou's greatnessness* They were most of the time, the poeple I'd turn to for advice, comments, critiques in just about anything. The more random the topic is, the more fun we get. There's never a dull oment with them around. ^_^They're pure love!

And last but not the least, the thing I loved best about 2006 was that, I met the mst wonderful being in the world and that is my beloved cat, Pepper. She's my sunshine. The every thing that I value more than my own self. although she needs a bath now.

oh yeah and you too jimmy :P better come home soon or Rochelle and I will give you a good spankin!

My New years wish is for my friend, Rochelle, to get well soon and from Jimmy and SUpi to get home safely from Canada and L.A.

I still have flu...DARN IT! lolz