Saturday, October 21, 2006

KOMIKON and OS fusion EMO....

Today, my highschool bud, Mark and I met to go to Komikon in UP. There I met team kyoudo and some new and old friends ^_^

but today is also my, Now X-, boyfriend's birthday. we broke up this morning(yesterday technically since it's 2am). I am so depressed that i can't stop crying...I want to apologize to everyone who took time to listen to me... hindi ako dapat nagkakalat ng ganun...Pasensya na po kayo sa akin. I will keep your advices and words of wisdom in mind. right now, i want to train myself to set my priorities straight and start my life anew.

what hurts is that i couldn't do anything to stop it cause i'm here in the philippines and he's waay over there in Canada....

I didn't have the courage to tell him that he is hurting me...i didn't have the courage to tell him that i'm dying inside....I didn't have the courage and/or strength to do anything but cry and make face during our conversation in YM.

I wanna thank everyone who listened to me...

To Mark:

you're the best bud any fucked up bitch like me could ever have...I'll treat you next time for paying for the taxi tab. Sorry talaga sabog na ako nun kaya wala na akong ginawa kundi umiyak...nabasa ka pa tuloy...sorry rin dahil 1am ka na nakauwi...sorry rin sa mom, kuya at kapatid mo dahil nagalala sila sayo....:(

To Neph:

Tol, You're gonna be my Yuriness from now on....thanks for the booze....and the fries...i needed it...I never expected this night to be one of my EMO sessions. but thanks...I'll make it up to you...

To Sir Saito/Bert:

I really learned a lot from you...thank you... I will keep those advice you gave me in Mind.

To Matt niichan:

niichan! thank've been a very nice oniichan to me...T.T

To kuya Adz, Kuya Earl and Kuya Matt:

Thanks for dedicating that song to me... you don't know how much that meant to me....It made me cry like a river...nahihiya lang akong pumasok sa loob...baka umulan ng luha... salamat salamat...T.T

To Kuya Nabs {my battalion leader in TS}:

Kuya Nabs, you helped me feel better thank you...I owe you a lot for listening to me always...especially in my time of solace and pain. thank you...I assure you that i will always be here for you as well.

To shiz {My TS lil Bro}:

Bro...thanks for the support. I owe you a lot....T.T i don't know what to say....Andami mo nang nasabing advice sa akin....thank you...

To Pendrille:

thanks for listening. it might not seem that much but it helped me vent out enough pain to keep me sane that night... thank you...

To Junichi:

thanks for the poster... that really made me smile :)

To zae niichan:

I'm glad i stuck with you in komikon otherwise i'll be all EMO....thanks for the laughs i enjoyed them

To all of team kyoudo:

Thank you *hugs*


so now, right at this very moment, i await his presence his YM...I will talk to him one last time and say goodbye...I really can't bear the thought that he's with another girl whom he claims remind him of me. For the past 7 nights now, i haven't been able to sleep well nor eat because i can see in my dreams and in my thoughts, as well as my day dreams that he ad that girl are hanging out together and bonding. Doing things we used to...and worst of all, taking my place in his heart....So i'd rather cut ties and leave it all behind....

It hurts that he wasn't the first guy who made me believe in love and just ended up leaving me....

but i can't, now matter how i try to get mad at him....i love him too much....

call me an idiot...i deserve it....:(

*cries in pain*


I- 6 cycle mind

ay,wag naman
alisin ang nag-iisang panaginip
na ika'y magbabalik
nagsasamang masaya
at walang pagkukulang

at ngayong wala ka na
hindi alam kung san magsisimula
ang ngayon,bukas,kailanman
wala bang bukas...

ay,bahala na
ang tanging narinig
wala ka bang ibang masabi
wag ka ng magalala
iniintindi ko
ang lungkot na ginawa mo

at ngayong wala ka na
hindi alam kung san magsisimula
ang ngayon,bukas,kailanman
wala bang bukas..

paulit ulit mananaginip
pagising ko'y wala pa rin
hindi maamin, ilang dalangin
wala na, wala ka
wala na..