Thursday, April 22, 2010

A part of the nightmare is over

I've been feeling tense since I got the news from my mom and a friend of hers, last week. I've been dreaming of going back to school after the first year I spent working and earning for the family. And the feeling intensified after I met raishiro's parents. I wanted to melt when his mom told me about something that I've been, sort of, avoiding these past years. It lead me to think back about that nightmare.

(Sort of related but not quite) cool pic

This afternoon, I went and faced the nightmare that's been haunting me. Initially, I thought the experience would be heart-breaking and emotionally draining. I've prepared my eyes for the gallons of tears that I might cry after the encounter and I've prepared the wee-bit self esteem left in me to be sucked out by the black hole they set up for every unfortunate soul who happen to enlist themselves in that institution.

I got there and it was the same institution, the same system, the same BS. It didn't change. But they got a nifty looking building out back.

During the 3 hours that I spent running requirements, I thought about every painful, heart-tearing experience I spent there. I still remember the number of times that fat bitch crushed my self esteem, lowered my morale, and lead me to believe that the only future I had was jumping off the rooftop to end my lowly miserable life. THAT, and the bad, overly priced cafeteria food.

Illustration of how the fat bitch tears a part of me every chance she gets.

Then comes the nice memories. Though few, they were all special to me. One of those, was the day I sat with 3 other crazy, bored and easily amused girls at the upper lanai to man a booth for a friends' org we didn't necessarily understand. It was the day we had a small group of people who had the same interest in anime and all those crazy japanese stuff. Yeah... that one.

From there, I learned that I wasn't the only crazy, bored and easily amused person in school.

After much reminiscing, I was able to get what I needed. My first step out of the institution, felt like my first step to freedom. I felt light, happy and a little high. I hopped on one foot towards the car, with my smile stretching from one ear to the other. It didn't hurt... (But then again, they know how to ruins dreams so I'll stop here. Things could still happen.)

I'm finally free from that nightmare. But it's not the only one haunting me... To free myself from the rest, will be the next step.

A big thanks to the people who inspired and pushed me to this decision. And a big thank you to my special someone for sticking with me through every sticky situation, and giving me a and a when I need it most.

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