Thursday, July 24, 2008

Life and Death


I just recently learned that [info]endlessnami's grandma passed away. U_U My condolences nee chan. I'll pray for her safe passing.

I love my grandmother too. True that sometimes she can be heartless and inconsiderate but throughout college, she supported me and gave me all the things I needed and more. I regret that I was too weak to reach the goal on time but I will in due time. Though we fight and we argue about the most trivial things, I never made it a point to make her feel that I hated her or disliked her. I always tell her that she's great and that I look up to her. I want to do this because I don't want to take time and life for granted.

Life is a very delicate and fragile light that each of us holds and should keep. We can only have it for a while so we might as well enjoy it while it lasts. True that its sad that there will come a time that we would all pass but that doesn't mean its the end. We will never know what journey lies beyond each passing, it would be a new adventure. Not just for those who left, but also for those who remain.


I wrote this at work after what I saw on my way to work. Special thanks to Jake for sending it to me YM cause our office sucks with all the shitty internet blocks.

It's sad to see a pregnant woman turn out this way.. I feel sorry for the baby and so much hatred towards her, her parents and the guy who screwed her. The kid does not deserve this crap. I can only hope that the kid could still be born and grow up safe, happy and loved in the future... even if it means growing up in the care of others.

I saw a pregnant girl hitting rugby by the mall at 10 pm . She's dancing, crouching, jumping and to me it looks like she's trying to kill her baby.

Watching her suffocated the woman in me. I wanted to reach out and help her but I couldn't. The perplexed feeling of not being able to do anything still lingered like an annoying itch that I couldn't scratch.

I was on my way to work late last night. The public jeepney that I was on stopped by the nearby mall to wait for passengers taking their trip home from either work or a night of fun. It’s normal for me to see, at this hour, tired faces and slouched figures of those who are ready to go home after a day's hard work. As for me, I would only be on my way to work at this hour after a whole day's worth of sleep. I am a vampire as my brother's would coin me. I worked at night and slept through daylight

My eyes stared far outside waiting for the vehicle to move along so I too can be on my way. I never liked being late for work cause that’s pay deduction. So I centered my thoughts on the itinerary of my engagements for the coming weekend instead. The jeepney wasn't moving. The driver was bent on getting passengers other than the 3 of us. I slowly grew restless

I looked back at the driver and outside subsequently to check if at any time soon, it will be moving. I do this out of habit whenever I grew impatient. It was when I looked outside that my eyes chanced to lay on the figure of a girl, just about my age or younger, standing. Her fair complexion is well complimented by the darkness of the night. Her long hair, pulled back and tied behind her in a neat pony tail, showed her face clearly. She wore a pink tank top covered slightly by a trendy jacket worn mostly by kids nowadays and short shorts that shows her beautiful set of legs. No doubt about that. I noticed that something was different about her and that’s beside the fact that she was pretty.

A jeep was passing by, since it rained pretty hard earlier that night, there were puddles by by the street sides. She moved back a bit to make way for the incoming jeepney behind ours and in doing so her feet ended up immersed in a puddle. I found it weird that she didn't seem to mind and I then noticed that she was clutching something in her palm, holding it closely to her nose. I had my hunches but didn’t really pay any mind. Then I also noticed a bulge in her shirt. She was pregnant. She got a bit close to the jeep that I smelled the contents of the bottle. I could not mistake the smell for any other.

I grew up in a neighborhood where my house is just a few blocks away from a slipper factory. They use rugby to put the footwear together and I can smell the rugby whenever I would pass by going to and fro my house and school. She was hitting rugby. The street was close to being bare if it weren't for the young lads helping out the jeeps haul in commuters and the commuters going home.

She started acting funny after a while and rubbing her tummy pushing it back. Some gestures suggested that, to me indicated that she didn't want the baby. She crouched and danced and tried to push in the bulge in her stomach area. Some concerned girl even told her off saying that it wasn't good for the baby and she moved away but still kept on doing the same thing, still sniffing the contents of the tiny bottle she was clutching in her hand

My tummy cringed, it’s as if I felt that the baby in her tummy was inside me and it wasn't very happy. I felt dizzy and depressed. I didn't know if it was pity that I felt or disgust. I wanted to help out. I swore to myself that the instance I see a policeman, I would go down the jeep and point her out, not to get her in trouble, but with the intention of helping her. They can take her home and keep her away from the rugby. And take care of the child.

A lesbian passenger who seemed to notice me watching the girl started to talk to me about it. “nakita mo rin yun?” (“Did you see that?”) I nodded and her face showed me the same feeling that I have in my tummy. I wanted to help the girl. She was already on a high. The butch stopped me from going down to assist the lady telling me. “Kasalanan din nila yan. Mahirap nang tumulong minsan ikaw pa ang masama” (It’s their fault also. Sometimes helping will only make it worse).

It wasn’t long before the Jeeps started moving. I didn’t go down to help her. I didn’t do anything. I just sat there minding the feeling in my tummy. I just listened to the musings of a “concerned” person sitting beside me. I watched her as the jeepney moved farther and father away, watched until she grew small from the distance.

I feel sick.

And regarding the previous entry, the boy was found already:
(see link for video)

No comments: